Day 15 - January 5, 2013

Wow - its hard to believe that we are at day 15....it feels like we have been at the hospital FOREVER.  And then in other moments, we feel so happy with the progress made in what is actually a relatively short period of time.

Today was the second day of having my dad completely off from all sedation during the day.  As Aubrey mentioned yesterday, dad also has a voicebox in this trach now which allows him to talk.  Today seemed a little better than yesterday, but only in subtle ways. 

Yesterday, dad seemed to repeat a cycle every 2-3 minutes. He would (i) rest back, (ii) open his eyes really wide, try to sit bolt upright, then get agitated and fight when we pushed him back down in the bed, and (iii) then would stay aware and focused for 30-45 seconds before closing his eyes and "dozing off" for a another 30-45 seconds...then repeat....then repeat...then repeat.  Today, I would say that he seemed a just slightly less cyclical and the time between trying to sit up seemed a little further apart.

Yesterday, dad really wanted to get out of bed, and that still has not changed in the slightest.  He is so focused on getting out of the bed, it is really hard to distract him towards anything else.  However, today he has tried new strategies for trying to get out of bed, including gaining leverage with his legs whenever possible and/or getting someone to come in close for a hug and then leveraging their body to pull himself up out of the bed.  If we could trust that he wouldn't bolt for the door, we could maybe try to get him up....but honestly I think there is no guarantee that he wouldn't really wind up hurt if we tried to early because he is very strong and he is VERY determined to get out.

Today was actually the first time that I got some extended time back in his room with him.  He swung through a full range of emotions in the hour or two I had with him.  He started by feeling really upset that I would not take the restraints off from him (I heard "Chantel - I am really mad at you" several times), to "I love you" and  "I have a good life", to some funny requests like "I want to see my file", to just in general being frustrated and wanting to be out of his current situation entirely.  Based on our discussions with the neurologist and with several others in the medical field, it seems this response is very typical of someone waking up in the hospital after this type of event.  

One other problem that we have encountered is that he seem very frightened to sleep and fights it with his whole being.  This is just me stretching and filling in what I imagine could be going through his mind.  But he wakes up and is told gently about his accident and that he has missed the last 12-13 days of his life.  HOW TERRIFYING.  So now, we try to convince him that it is safe to go to sleep.  We tell him "We will wake you up tomorrow and everything will be fine" and there is fear and distrust.  He tells us he trusts us, but in his mind, how can he be sure he isn't going to sleep through another week or two (or ever)?  So the doctors and nurses use some sedation to try to force him to relax and sleep at nighttime and he fights.  Tonight, it took 2 times the amount of sedation that it took last night to get him to sleep and was still a 3+ hour long process.  As soon as he starts to feel the foggy/relaxing effects of the sedation, he seems to push all the harder to stay awake.

So overall, another positive day.  Its nice to see my dad coming back around, even if it is slow. 
As far as specific prayer requests for today:

• Pray that my dad will get a good restful night of sleep tonight and that going forward he will feel at peace about going to sleep both for naps during the day and for sleeping at night.
• Pray that he will not be as agitated, and will start to understand the reasons/logic behind why he cannot get out of bed and be safe at this point in his recovery.  That he needs to build a trust and follow the instructions of the nurses.
• Pray for a smooth transition from the critical care unit to the inpatient rehab facility Ilikely Monday).  Also pray that my dad will be able to actively participate in the therapies that they plan for him so that he can continue to qualify and benefit from their care.
• Pray that in the coming days/weeks/months that we all will approach each day, as a wonderful gift of another day which none of us have been guaranteed.  Understandably, this road could be incredibly frustrating, but I trust that God is greater and can make his burden light and bring him peace.